Ghoulies

Ghoulies

1985

Director- Luca Bercovici

Cast- Peter Liapis, Lisa Pelikan, Scott Thomson, Ralph Seymour, Mariska Hargitay, Jack Nance, Michael Des Barres, Bobbie Bresee, Keith Joe Dick

           

     The film opens with a Satanic ritual attended by cult members and the titular imps. The cult leader’s child is to be sacrificed but the ritual goes awry and the child is spared its fate. He is raised by the groundskeeper (David Lynch favorite, Jack Nance), ignorant of his father’s identity or his family legacy.

            

       Fast forward 20 or so years later and the child is all grown up and inherits his deceased father’s mansion. Pilfering around the mansion he comes upon his father’s occult tomes. Apparently the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree as Jonathan (Lipais)  pretty quickly dives head first into the occult with a lust for power including trying to surreptitiously screw his girlfriend (Pelikan) on top of a summoning circle he had drawn under their bed.

            

      He summons up a bunch of impish servants, the Ghoulies, who instruct him in the details of a ceremony to snatch him even more power. The details are a bit fuzzy but it mainly involves throwing his friends under the occult bus and making a slave of his girlfriend (what a dick, right?). The ultimate result is the return from the grave of his father. Father and son meet and dad intends to finish the ritual he had started two decades before. In a battle between evil sorcerer and creepy wanna be sorcerer, it’s hard to decide who to root for, but in the end, evil is more or less vanquished. I say more or less because the movie had three sequels.

            

      At first glance the movie appears to be a cheap rip off of Gremlins, but it really isn’t. The two films were made at roughly the same time but due to production problems, Gremlins beat it to the punch, and comparisons afterward were inevitable. These types of puppet movies were popular in the mid-80s (Critters and Troll being two similar examples along with the excellent Puppet Master series). The creatures are not really the stars of Ghoulies, but peripheral attractions. The whole thing could have been done without them and it would have been a much scarier movie. However, the film is remembered for those gross little puppets, not to mention its very memorable poster, featuring a suspendered Ghoulie climbing out of a toilet.  Watch the film as a fun distraction and as a lesson on how movies were made before CGI.

Santa Claus (Santa Claus vs. the Devil)

  

  

Santa Claus (Santa Claus vs. the Devil)

1959

Director- René Cardona

Cast- José Elías Moreno, Cesáreo Quezadas, José Luis Aguirre, Armando Arriola, Lupita Quezadas, Antonio Díaz Conde, Ángel Di Stefani

From Mexico

            

     Santa Claus, rather than living in the North Pole, lives is a floating castle in space.  From there, with an international cadre of children from around the world, he makes toys. The children are all dressed in their culturally appropriate (some might stereotypical) attire with the Japanese kids wearing kimonos, the Mexican kids wearing sombreros etc.

            

     Satan, meanwhile, wants to show the world that he is its master and wants to use Christmas time to do it. He orders one of his minions, a lesser devil named Pitch, to ascend to Earth and tempt all of the children into Evil. His punishment for failure is that he has to eat ice cold chocolate ice cream, and this scares Pitch pretty bad as he seems to have some kind of digestive disorder.  Pitch begs for mercy “by the horns of everything Satanic”. With the command “Demons of Hades, transport me to Earth,” he teleports from Hell to begin his mission.

            

     Pitch initially doesn’t have a hard time as the Christmas season naturally brings out avarice. He immediately turns 3 rude brothers against Santa. Through some kind of sympathetic magic, by throwing rocks at a fake Santa they actually hurt the real Santa. Old St. Nick says that he could make short work of the Devil, but he can only descend to Earth one night a year. Santa plans to use the good children as his proxys in the war against Evil and uses his sophisticated intelligence gathering machines to locate good children. One machine has a prehensile eyeball on the end of a wire; another is a large ear on a satellite dish; one has a large red mouth like a sex doll.

         

   

   He locates the virtuous Lupita, who really wants a doll, any doll, for Christmas, but is very poor. Pitch tempts her to steal the doll, but to no avail. Santa uses his “Dreamscope” to peer into the unconscious mind of Billy, a rich boy, who only dreams of having the love of his parents.  Ever the voyeur, Santa decides to peep into Lupita’s dreams as well. Pitch is influencing her by making her dream of creepy life size rag dolls that dance around and tell her to steal. Santa’s voyeurism backfires when he spies on the 3 rude boys as they are talking about how old Santa is. Santa declares that he is much younger than the Devil, only that he has been sick lately.

            

      Of course even with the War on Evil underway, Santa still has a job to do and is inundated with letters from kids (which come via an airway that blows them up from Earth). One kid is after my own heart and asks for “a toy automobile, a submarine, a football, a bat, roller skates, a scooter, a cannon, a bicycle, an atomic laboratory, a machine gun.” The kid’s got some wild holiday plans!

           

     Santa is aided in his work by Merlin the Magician who has a lab in Santa’s palace. He concocts the magic potions that allow Santa to disappear and make children sleep. I guess today they would just use Ambien. Merlin seems a bit absent minded and it’s a wonder that he can concoct anything. He is also aided by the Roman god Vulcan, who constructs a key for Santa that will open any door. You know, when you think about it, the ability to get into any house and make children sleep is the kind of thing that would get you placed on a watch list today, one of those lists where you have a sign in your front yard and you can’t be within 100 yards of a school.

           

    Well, Christmas Eve arrives and Santa’s international coalition of children loads up his interstellar sleigh. Despite the fact that his mechanical reindeer can traverse the vacuum of space, they have to return by dawn because sunlight turns them into dust, because, sure, why not.

           

     Back on Earth, the three hooligans are still plotting against Santa. They plan to ambush him, take the toys, and make Santa their slave! These are some bad kids. Lupita is starting to think that Santa doesn’t like her as she always asks for the doll but never gets it.

       

      Pitch tries to prevent Santa from entering a house by moving the chimney (???) but it doesn’t faze Santa as he has a magic parasol to help him drop safely off the roof where he can enter the house in a more conventional way. Foiled, Pitch shifts fire to the next house where he tries different tactics but Santa outsmarts him again and humiliates Pitch by shooting him in the butt with a toy cannon.

            

       Santa stops at little Billy’s house. Billy is all alone because his parents are out at a fancy restaurant. But no worries, Santa shows up dressed as a waiter and gives his parents special drinks that make them remember that their child is at home (which is kind of depressing).

           

     Pitch and the 3 hooligans are still hoping to thwart Santa and they camp out on a roof top. They are having no luck with Santa so Pitch makes the children turn on each other and fight, much to his delight. He keeps a look out, and while Santa is in a home, Pitch tries to steal Santa’s sleigh! The robot reindeer won’t answer to his command so Pitch satisfies himself by sabotaging Santa’s magical gear.

            

      Pitch sics a vicious dog on Santa, and without his magical gear, Santa has no choice but to escape up a tree. Pitch then visits the locals in their sleep, telling them that Santa is a murderer and that they should arm themselves and kill him! Stuck up a tree with armed villagers, the police and fire department all converging on his location.  Surely Santa is doomed.

     

     Thankfully, Merlin pulls his fat out of the fire by advising Santa to use a toy cat from his bag to distract the dog. Santa escapes just before the cops arrive, but with the dawn quickly approaching, he still has one more stop.  Lupita has just about given up hope, but she gets her doll and Santa returns to his space castle!

           

     This movie is just as bizarre as it sounds. To its credit, despite all of the disparate elements crammed together into 94 minutes, it doesn’t come across like some disjointed hallucinatory William Burroughs novel. Christmas is a rather strange holiday. Christian mythology, pagan imagery, folk lore and greedy commercialism combine with messages of morality and spiritualism to create this bizarre annual amalgamation of traditions and religion. This movie does the same thing in a very fun, unself-conscious way. The plot is less like a movie script and more like a story being told by a child that is making it up as they go.

            

     Despite the bright lights and shiny wrapping paper, Christmas always has a dark side, at least for children. Guilt and shame over being naughty, combined the with the fear of being caught lend a somber morality to the holiday that only children can understand. What better way to portray that than with an actual devil walking among the children, tempting them toward their doom.

             

     This was directed by the same man that gave us Wrestling Women vs. the Aztec Mummy so that should tell you something. Highly recommended for anyone wanting a unique experience.

BONUS- If you are looking for more sinister stories of children being tempted by Evil, check out these two Disney films, Something Wicked this Way Comes and The Devil and Max Devlin.

 

End of Days

End of Days

1999

Director- Peter Hyams

Cast- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robin Tunney, Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Pollak, C. C. H. Pounder, Udo Kier, Victor Varnado, Miriam Margolyes, Derrick O'Connor, Rod Steiger

    

    Remember the end of the 20^th century, when everyone was afraid of Y2K and there were all sorts off doomsday prophecies that people were claiming and then in the end the worst thing that happened was that it took us all 3 months to get used to writing 20 instead of 19 when dating something? This movie, which swooped in right at the end of 1999, capitalized on that trend.

      

     As the end of 2^nd millennium approaches, Satan (Gabrielle Byrne) arrives on earth seeking a woman (The Craft’s Robin Tunney) who has been prophesized to be his mate. Apparently, having sex with her will trigger the events foretold in Revelations. A cynical ex-cop (Schwarzenegger) stumbles onto this and is determined to protect the girl. Standing in his way (along with the Prince of Darkness) is a legion of devil worshipers (including Udo Kier) and a secret branch of the Catholic Church determined to kill the girl rather than let her fall into Satan’s hands.

            

     Action and horror is a difficult mix to sell. The essence of horror is peril, where as a good action film is about overcoming such peril, often numerous times. Arnold isn’t bad in the film.  He turns in about as a good a performance as the script allows. The problem is that Arnold is, well, so Arnold! He is so charismatic and physically impressive, you never doubt that he will overcome the odds.

            

     Despite the odd combination, the film does have some selling points. Gabriel Byrne makes a humorous devil and Kevin Pollak makes for a funny straight man. There’s also supporting performances by C.C.H. Pounder (Demon Knight) and Rod Steiger. Not a great movie, but an entertaining attempt at blending genres.

 

Day of the Beast (El día de la Bestia)

  

Day of the Beast (El día de la Bestia)

1995

Director-Álex de la Iglesia

Cast- Álex Angulo, Armando De Razza, Santiago Segura, Terele Pávez, Nathalie Seseña

From Spain

            

     This ranks as one of my favorite films partly because of its creativity but also because how well it walks the line between horror and comedy. Many films try and they end up being neither funny nor scary. But Day of the Beast succeeds.

            

    Father Angel is a priest who has discovered numerological clues that predict the birth of the Anti-Christ. He plans to stop the birth, but though he knows the time (Christmas), he doesn’t know the place. He plans to sell his soul to the Devil to find out, but first he has to convince Satan that he’s one of the boys. Father Angel sets about on a spree of sin which brings him in contact with Josia Maria, a fan of heavy metal, particularly the Satanic variety. They decide that they need expert advice so they kidnap “Professor” Cavan, a television psychic and self-proffered occult expert.

           

   

   Cavan, who tries to convince the duo that he is really a fraud, begrudgingly helps Father Angel set up a ceremony to sell his soul. To the surprise of everyone the Devil shows up in a particularly scary scene. The trio then set about trying to find the birthplace while being chased by the police for a murder that Father Angel committed while trying to get his hands on some virgin’s blood. The movie culminates with another meeting with the Devil which is scarier than the first.

            

    As previously stated, Day of the Beast has quite a bit of humor. It begins early in the film where we see a priest squashed by a giant cross. Much of the humor is obvious slapstick but there is also a fair amount of social satire. A gang of murderous vandals are spraying graffiti and murdering people but the trio keep looking for supernatural hints, perhaps implying that we look for invented evil when real evil is right in front of us. The setting of Christmas Eve night results in some interesting juxtapositions of music and imagery.

       

   It was directed by Álex de la Iglesia wh oas directed several occult films including Dance with the Devil and Witching and Bitching and produced the excellent Erementari.   Day of the Beast’s greatest strength is its compact cast.  The characters are interesting and the actors sell their performances, especially Alex Angulo who seems so earnest in his desire to do bad things. Josia Maria approaches the madness of their quest with glee. Professor Cavan, a charlatan by profession, becomes an obsessive believer. These three “wise men” will keep you engaged as the story unfolds. A well done film.

Night of the Sorcerers

  Night of the Sorcerers (Night of the Witches, La Noche de los Brujos)

1973

Director- Amando de Ossorio

Cast- Jack Taylor, Kali Hansa, Bárbara Rey, María Kosty, Simón Andreu, José Thelman, Loreta Tovar

            

    The movie begins in Africa in 1910. An obviously western woman (Barbara Rey) has been taken captive by some natives who seem to be in the middle of an occult ceremony. She is tied between 2 trees and the head priest uses a whip to literally whip the clothes off of her. He then gives her a vampire bite and she is transported to an alter where a priestess, after some dancing, lops the woman’s head off with a machete! Meanwhile, a bunch of pith helemeted colonial soldiers surround the scene and then open fire, killing all of the natives. The woman’s head reanimates, alive and with vampire fangs. And that’s all within the first seven minutes!

           

     Fast forward 60 years or so and a new group of Europeans has arrived in the area to do research on elephants. They are led by manly Jack Taylor, who has been in too many horror movies to list but I’ll just throw out a few Jess Franco’sCount Dracula and The Ninth Gate, not to mention a cameo in Conan the Barbarian! His crew includes 3 beautiful women (Hansa, Kosty, Tovar) and Rod, a man for hire who is helping the expedition. They are met by a local guide who explains that all of the elephants in the area are gone or dead and drops a hint about a local superstition involving witches.

            

     That night, one of the ladies decides, since she can’t get pics of elephants, she’ll go out looking for the witches. She finds them all right, all returned from the grave! She receives the same treatment as the last woman; clothes whipped off, vampire bite,  beheading, and reanimation.

           

      Somehow the heads are reattached to the bodies and the new vampire woman is joined by the original woman from the beginning of the film. They stalk the camp at night and turn another of the young women into a vampire. Rod and his girlfriend refuse to leave, hoping to find their missing members. Will they make it out alive or join the ranks of the undead?

            

    The movie was directed by prolific Spanish horror director Amando de Ossorio who, among other things, directed The Blind Dead saga. All of the stars in the film except one have starred in his movies and most appeared in one or another of the Blind Dead films.

            

     As far as it being a serious examination of the occult, forget about it. In the English dub, words like, Voodoo, Satanist, sorcerer and witches are all used interchangeably. The word Brujo is used in the Spanish language version and I guess that serves as a kind of a catch all.  The women are sacrificed in a ritual but return as vampires clad in leopard skin bikinis (because why not?).  As for the witches themselves, are they ghosts? Zombies? We never really know. 

     The Blind Dead movies are very dark, bordering on the point of oppressive at times. This movie takes itself much less seriously. This is a fun film with exactly what you’d expect from Spanish horror exploitation from the 70s; lots of nudity, bright red blood, and enough originality to keep it interesting.

Dangerous Seductress

  

Dangerous Seductress

1995

Director- H. Tjut Djalil

Cast- Kristin Anin, Tonya Lawson, Amy Weber, Joseph Cassano, John Warom

From Indonesia 

            

    The movie opens with a frenetic, violent chase. Police are in hot pursuit of jewel thieves. The chase ends with a crash and blood spilling on the ground. From that ground rises a succubus, the Queen of Darkness (Amy Weber). The problem is, only her head is formed. Her body is still rotted flesh and bones. She learns real quick how to solve that when a poor dog tries to gnaw on her leg bone and she lops its head off.  She absorbs its blood and this restores most of her body. However, she can’t go out looking for more because some kind of earth spirits have her pinned in place.

        

   Meanwhile, across some continents, beautiful blonde Susan (Playboy model Tonya Lawson, billed as Tonya Offer here) is finding out what a jerk her boyfriend is. Not only is he late coming home for their anniversary, he then beats her and rapes her! This has apparently happened before but she decides enough is enough and hauls ass.

            

     Susan’s older sister Linda (Kristin Anin) is also a beautiful blonde (good genes in the family I guess) who is working as a model in Indonesia. Big sister lets little sis crash at her pad while she goes off to some exotic locale for a photoshoot.  As it just so happens, Linda has a grimoire of Indonesian black magic because someone gave it to her for her birthday (because ,you know, that’s what you give people right?). She has left it lying around and Susan, not having any copies of TV guide, decides to give it a whirl. Not only is she able to read it but she summons the spirit of the Queen of Darkness, who appears in Susan’s mirror. The Queen promises her beauty and power if Susan will just let her use her body. Susan agrees and then goes out to do the Queen’s bidding.

    Susan walks the streets and haunts the nightclubs picking up guys, seducing them, killing them, and draining them of their blood. She then reports back to the mirror where she slits her own throat so that the mirror can absorb the blood for the Queen (that’s a pretty original idea, I have to admit). Things hit the fan when big sister returns home from her work trip.

            

    I have seen the film listed with the title Evil Queen, with a date of 1992, but its most commonly listed as Dangerous Seductress with a date of 1995, so that’s how I have it listed here.  Just watching the film, it’s hard to tie it to any particular era. It has a 70’s disco opening theme, the whole thing in general seems like an 80s B film, but the fashions are definitely 90s. All of the Caucasian expats filling up the background look so 90s you can almost smell the Drakkar dripping off of them.

   

   

 The director is Indonesian, and despite its American leading ladies and English dialogue, the film is very Asian and reminds me of the genre films being made in Hong Kong at the time. The beginning, especially, reminds me of the HK  movies of that decade, not because of its quality certainly, but the wild originality. The production values are low but the creativity is high where as in America things trended in the opposite direction. That pretty much summed up the difference between Eastern and Western cinema at that time.

            

     The film has something for everyone; shoots outs, vampirism, folk magic, underground spirits, a floating head, a dismembered  finger walking around. The one thing it doesn’t have is any nudity! A whole film about a succubus, staring a beautiful Playboy model, and there is no nudity? Tonya Lawson was in so many skimpy outfits, you think they could have tossed us a complimentary nipple, but no. This was typical though of Asian cinema at the time and to a much lesser extent even today. In the 90s, the Japanese might have been pervs making cartoons about school girls being raped by alien octopuses, but they shied away from explicit sex in their live action films. Even today there is a general taboo about showing genitalia. There are 2 scenes, one with the Evil Queen and one with Tonya, where the actresses are nude, but they’ve covered over the naughty bits with special effects to make it look like their nipples are glowing energy balls (!?!?). You can find uncensored stills on the interweb, but what print those are from, I don’t know. Well, in any case I’m sure that glowing energy nipples is somebody’s fetish.

            

     To put it straight, most people will not like this movie. Its low budget and cheesey. But if you want something different, or are old enough to remember getting bootlegged VHS copies of laserdiscs from Asia, then you may find something you like here.

Poor Devil

Poor Devil

1973

Director- Robert Scheerer

Cast- Sammy Davis Jr., Jack Klugman, Christopher Lee, Adam West

            

    This feature length film was the pilot to an unsold TV series. Sammy Davis Jr. is a bottom tier demon spending the centuries shoveling coal into Hell’s furnaces. Christopher Lee is his over bearing boss, the Devil, who gives Sammy one chance to prove he is worth a promotion from his menial duties.  He has to get a mortal to sell their soul. His target is a hapless mortal, Jack Klugman, who wants revenge against his boss played by Adam West.

            

     In truth this isn’t a very good movie. What makes it worth watching is that this is a shining example of just how comfortable pop culture was with Satanism in the early 70s (something that would change by the next decade).  Sammy Davis Jr., beloved member of the Rat Pack casually tosses up some Devil horn hand signs with no more taboo than a peace sign. Jack Klugman was at the height of his career, right in the middle of a 13 year run on TV between The Odd Couple and Quincy M.E. And remember this was a pilot for NBC. This was actually intended for mass consumption on TV by middle class American families.

           

     Well, who knows how the show would have turned out if it had been picked up. Maybe Klugman would never have played Quincy. One shudders to imagine Christopher Lee so busy starring in a TV show that he didn’t go on to make The Wicker Man, but I guess that could have happened in this theoretical alternate universe. Looks like we were better off without it.