Dark Match

 

Dark Match

2024

Director- Lowell Dean

Cast- Ayisha Issa, Steven Ogg, Chris Jericho, Mo Adan, Jonathan Cherry, Sara Canning, Michael Eklund, Jonathan Lepine,  Justine Lawrick, Leo Farad, Mitch Clark

            Something that every organization or community has is its own lingo; phrases and terms that outsiders don’t usually know. This is true for martial arts dojos, union halls, the military, the boy scouts, and cults. Professional wrestling practically has its own lexicon of hundreds of terms known only to its participants and loyal fans.

The term in question here is “dark match.” It refers to a non-televised match. In the old days it might be used to describe matches before or after a televised show, or occasionally a non-televised match where something unpopular might happen, like a heel (the villain) winning a title.

The term isn’t used much anymore since every organization is always looking for more content for all the various streaming services. Today the much less menacing term “house show” is used to describe non-televised events where fans can see their favorite wrestlers, usually in much smaller venues, competing in matches that don’t affect the planned storylines.

Dark Match follows a tiny independent wrestling promotion in the late 1980s. Very small, it consists of a handful of wrestlers, either past their prime or never having made it to the big time. The protagonist of the film is Miss Behave (Ayisha Issa), a heel character who regularly loses to her blonde babyface opponent, Kate the Great. Miss Behave dreams of the big time but knows she’ll never get it working in the small organization. Her boyfriend, Mean Joe Lean (Steven Ogg), is an aging former champion on the tale end of his career.

The organization gets invited to perform in a dark match for a celebration in a rural town. Even though it seems sketchy, they are offered a sizable enough chunk of change to lure them all in. After arriving, they find themselves the prisoners of a satanic cult led by The Prophet, a former wrestler who had a religious gimmick and was eventually black balled from wrestling (played by real life pro wrestling champion Chris Jericho). The cult is planning an elaborate ritual that requires five sacrifices and the wrestlers are forced to fight each other to the death.

It’s a fun concept and well executed. There isn’t a lot of wasted time and we get to know the principal characters pretty quick. The film doesn’t look cheap, but it does have a dull gritty appearance that will remind you of watching an old VHS. If I had any complaint its that only a few of the wrestlers’ characters are developed. I think of the classic fighting match movies like Enter the Dragon or Bloodsport and those movies did a pretty good job of giving a lot of the fighters distinct looks and personalities. Dark Match could have benefited from more of that.

If you are old enough to remember wrestling before the WWE was luring in global audiences, you’ll remember the old regional promotions with wrestlers mainly known only to people in a 3 or 4 state area. You might see the recorded matches televised on a local channel on a Saturday afternoon and were just as likely to see the wrestlers picking up a 6 pack at a local gas station as they passed through. Dark Match conjures up just enough of that feel to cause some inner synapse zaps for people that can remember those days.

Check it out it if you’re a fan of wrestling and horror or if you are just looking for something different.

           

Ninja 3: The Domination

Ninja 3: The Domination

1984

Director- Sam Firstenberg

Cast- Lucinda Dickey, Sho Kosugi, James Hong, Jordan Bennett, David Chung

            Ninja Hanjuro (David Chung) is dispatched on an assassination assignment. He completes the assassination but is pursued and eventually cornered by the police. After a long fight he is eventually gun downed by a squad of policeman.

However, before succumbing to his wounds he escapes. He is found by Christie (Lucinda Dickey) and unbeknownst to her, his spirit passes into her body.  The first thing Christie notices is that she has developed a real talent for kicking ass. She also has visions of the police that gunned Hanjuro down. However, periodically, Hanjuro takes control of Christie’s body and uses her to go out and take revenge. He is systematically hunting down the various policemen that killed him. The top man on his list is Billy (Jordan Bennett) a super annoying cop that has somehow become Christie’s boyfriend.

Christie is aware that something is wrong and visits a spiritualist (veteran genre actor James Hong from Bladerunner, Big Trouble in Little China, Golden Child, and a million other things). Another ninja, Goro (Sho Kosugi) is wise to what has been going on and is trying to stop it. He intercedes and manages to have Hanjuro’s spirit exorcised from Christie’s body so that he can be fought man to man.

This is a Canon film and that should just about tell you everything that you need to know. Canon specialized primarily in lower budget films, particularly action films starring Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson. Whenever they ventured away from this formula into other genres, the results were always interesting if bizarre. Though not a studio known for horror movies, they delivered two of the decades more memorable horror movies; Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and Lifeforce.

The great thing about Canon was that there didn’t seem to be anyone in charge of quality control. While this often resulted in them making crap, it sometimes resulted in unexpected creativity because there doesn’t seem to have been anyone saying “You can’t do that”, like in one scene where Christie tries to turn her boyfriend on by pouring tomato juice on herself (???). Ninja 3: The Domination mixes so many different disparate elements together and does so unashamedly.

The character of Christie is an obvious rip off of Alex from Flash Dance, a mega hit that had come out the previous year. Whereas Alex was a steel worker trying to make her way as a dancer, Christie is lineman (linewoman?) who works at night as an aerobics instructor. The movie is filled with 80s cheese including Christie having an arcade machine in her living room, which for the early 80s would have made you one of the coolest people around.

It may be hard to imagine in our modern world where ninjas have thoroughly infiltrated all aspects of popular culture, but there was a time when westerners were just starting to learn about them. The 1980s was the Golden Age of the ninja movie and Canon made a lot of them. Along with the 5 films of the American Ninja franchise, Canon also made 3 films with Sho Kosugi; Enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja, and Ninja 3: The Domination. The number “3” might lead you to believe this is a continuous storyline , but the films have nothing to do with one another, other than the fact that they star Sho Kosugi.

In the pantheon of action stars, Sho Kosugi occupies an unusual space. He never achieved the fame of other 80s American action stars, though Sho was probably the most legitimately skilled martial artists of the bunch. He never had the broad appeal of his Caucasian counterparts, but real martial arts enthusiasts always appreciated Sho.

Ninjas in those 80s movies were often credited with mystical, even superhuman, powers and this film is no different.  This plays just fine with the rest of the film which throws any idea of logic or restraint right out of the window.

Ninja 3 has become a cult favorite both among Canon movie fans and fans of bizarre films, but its real long term significance lies not with itself but in what it set the stage for. The director, Sam Firstenberg (who also directed Revenge of the Ninja) went on to direct American Ninja which was insanely popular during that decade. No video store worth its salt would have been without American Ninja on its shelves. This was Lucinda Dickey’s first starring role and  it is without a doubt what got her the lead role in her next film, Breakin’ (Ninja 3 was shot first but Breakin’ came out first because Canon was in a rush to be the first studio to release a break dancing movie).

If you aren’t a member of Generation X you probably don’t know about Breakin’, but it was an incredibly successful film that capitalized on the craze of 1984, break dancing. Lucinda also starred in the comically named sequel, Breakin’2: Electric Boogaloo (which was also directed by Firstenberg). To make the point of just how popular that film was, Breakin’ made more money in the domestic box office that year than Red Dawn, The Terminator or Nightmare on Elmstreet!

If you want something scary, or even coherent, you should probably skip Ninja 3. If, on the other hand, you want something fun with absolutely no regard for rules, then give this movie a chance.

Perdita Durango (Dance with the Devil)

  

Perdita Durango (Dance with the Devil)

1997

Director- Álex de la Iglesia

From Spain /Mexico

Cast- Rosie Perez, Javier Bardem, Aimee Graham, Harley Cross, James Gandolfini, Screamin' Jay Hawkins, Demián Bichir, Santiago Segura,

            

     Those familiar with Álex de la Iglesia’s work (Errementari, Witching & Bitching and Day of the Beast) will probably be surprised by this film. Though it does have his usual dark humor, it ventures into territories foreign to those better known films. If you didn’t know better you’d think it was an early Robert Rodriquez film. You may also be familiar with the character of Perdita Durango as Isabella Rossellini’s character from Wild at Heart. Both stories are based on the works of Barry Gifford.

Perdita Durango (Rosie Perez) is a free spirit who lives according to her own whims and easily gives herself over to her passions whether it is sex or violence. She meets Romeo (Javier Bardem), a criminal and self-styled  Santeria priest. He views his ceremonies as a kind of science that provides him with good luck. And who knows, maybe they do. Several times in the film, people aiming to do him harm meet with unfortunate (one might say comical) accidents. His rituals seem more show than substance however. That is, until Perdita ups his game and they decide to carry out a human sacrifice. Romeo has been hired to smuggle a truckload of fetuses (you read that right) from Mexico to Las Vegas, and he hopes the human sacrifice will bring him extra luck.

They kidnap two American teenagers (Aimee Graham and Harley Cross). They intend to eventually use them for their human sacrifice. Until then, the kids serve as sexual playthings for Romeo and Perdita. The kids eventually begin to undergo a kind of Stockholm syndrome and Romeo and Perdita start to develop a soft side for them (not so soft though that they are going to let them go).

            

     Their journey takes them through the American southwest and they are followed by a persistent DEA agent (Gandolfini). Eventually the consequences of all of their violence catch up with them but not before a string of bodies are left in their wake.

            

     Javier Bardem would become famous (and win an Oscar)10 years later as the assassin in No Country for Old Men. It’s interesting to see him still relatively early in his career, even with the tragic haircut. James Gandolfini would play another detective the very next year in the Satanic thriller, Fallen, with Denzel Washington. He would then become famous as Tony Soprano in The Sopranos.

            

     Rosie Perez, on the other hand, was a little more seasoned actor when this film was made and had already garnered critical praise for several roles, including an Oscar nomination. Rosie is both sexy and dangerous in this film. You can never tell what she will do or how she will react. It would be interesting to watch this movie back to back with Wild at Heart and compare her performance to Isabella Rossellini’s.

            

     Dance with the Devil is a multi-genre film; crime, horror, and dark comedy and it moves back and forth fluidly. Considering that the main characters engage in rape and murder, the film can’t be dismissed as mere escapist fun, yet the film never quite becomes a completely serious story. It’s best to view it as Perdita views herself. She does what she wants when she wants and if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else then oh well.

            

     There are a few versions of the film. The unrated American version (Dance with the Devil) is a few minutes longer (coming it at slightly over 2 hours) than the regular version. The Spanish version, titled Perdita Durango, is a few minutes longer than the American unrated version and has slightly more explicit sex and a little different ending involving a death bed hallucination.

Fun fact- Harley Cross plays Martin Sheen’s son in The Believers. In that film he is kidnapped by a Santeria cult.

Fun fact #2- Old school music fans will appreciate the appearance of the grandfather of shock rock, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins in a supporting role.

  

Satanic Rites of Dracula

  

Satanic Rites of Dracula

1973

Director- Alan Gibson

Cast- Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Michael Coles, William Franklyn, Freddie Jones, Joanna Lumley, Valerie Van Ost, Richard Vernon, Barbara Yu Ling, Mia Martin

           

     Known in the States by the less controversial title, Dracula and His Vampire Brides, this movie is a direct sequel to Dracula 1972 A.D., taking place in the same timeline. It’s less of a horror film and more of a sci-fi / spy thriller with a little bit of horror thrown in.

           

     A British spy agency has been monitoring a secretive group that has high ranking members of British society in its ranks. The members all participate in salacious Satanic rites where they watch a beautiful nubile young girl get sacrificed on an altar, only to rise from the dead. The horny old men are appropriately aroused and enthralled, but its smoke and mirrors, so to speak. It’s not Satan that is bringing the girl back to life, its good old fashioned vampirism. The sacrificial girl and all of the other women serving the coven are vampires (unbeknownst to the men).

            

     Dracula is using these powerful men to engineer a world ending Armageddon utilizing a new strand of the Black Plague. Along with his stable of vampire women, Dracula also has an army of dirt bike riding henchmen, complete with matching outfits. Fearing reprisal from the powerful men in the coven, the spy agency brings in an outsider, a detective from Scotland Yard (Michael Coles, reprising his role from the previous film). The detective, upon learning of the occult details of the case brings in his old friend Van Helsing (Peter Cushing). Van Helsing brings in Jessica (played by Joanna Lumley this time instead of Stephanie Beacham). So much for secrecy at this point.

            

     

    Van Helsing suspects that his old nemesis is at the center of this cabal and confirms it when he confronts the Count , now living in a high rise apartment built on the site of the old church from the last film.

            

     The rest of the crew infiltrate the coven’s headquarters and the detective finds himself cornered in the basement with the Counts harem of brides. No worries though. Our old friend running water makes its triumphant return when he activates the sprinkler system and kills all of the women with one fell swoop. You know, if the vampires are that vulnerable to water, maybe putting their coffins underneath a sprinkler system was a bad idea. Kind of like the Wicked Witch leaving a bucket of water lying around. Lame.

            

     

      Dracula’s world ending plot is foiled and The Count , chasing after Van Helsing, meets his most humiliating death yet. He runs into a hawthorne bush and gets snagged on the thorns. He screams and writhes and weakly crawls on the ground until finally collapsing in exhaustion. Van Helsing ends the sad display by sticking a fence post in the Count.  So after being killed by sunlight, stakes, lightening, and the Power of God, the thing that finally got the Lord of the Undead was a bush. Yep, a bush. Oh Van Helsing might have put a fence post in him but that was just to save the Count further humiliation.

           

      This is a bad film. No two ways about it.  This was Lee’s last appearance as the Count for Hammer. He was thoroughly disgusted by the role, describing it as a cross between Dr. No and Howard Hughes (Dracula doesn’t even show up until half an hour into the film).  Though the film, and the role, are bad, it would be over stating it to say that this film is what finally turned him off. Lee had been losing interest in the franchise for some time and this volume was just the final nail in the coffin.

           

     Beyond that, the movie doesn’t even feel like a Hammer film, despite the presence of Lee and Cushing. It was directed by Alan Gibson who gave us Dracula 1972 A.D. but it doesn’t even feel like that film. It didn’t look like a Hammer film. It was missing that rich color palette that so many of the films had. It was also missing the recognizable faces that made Hammer films seem like a family reunion. It was also missing the Hammer starlets. Oh there are attractive women, but none of them are genre stars in their own right like what we had seen in the previous films. Every volume of the franchise up to that point had at least one memorable, iconic girl. The women in this film are just used like background scenery.

            

     As bad as the film is, there are some people that will like it and it does have some redeeming qualities.  The concept is original even if poorly executed. If it wasn’t a Hammer film but say, some lower budget Italian or Spanish film with Paul Naschy, I think I would have been able to enjoy it more.

            

     Although Hammer  was on its last leg, it would have one more installment of the Dracula franchise in store for us, a crazy one, that would at least end the franchise on a high note.

Fun fact- In this film, Dracula uses his power to trick a bunch of Satanists. A similar concept was used in the animated Tomb of Dracula movie, Dracula, Sovereign of the Damned. In that film, Dracula convinces a coven that he is the Prince of Darkness and steals one of their members for his wife.

Fun fact #2- Look out for a young  Freddie Jones (to the extent that he was ever young) as one of the coven members.

  

 

End of Days

End of Days

1999

Director- Peter Hyams

Cast- Arnold Schwarzenegger, Robin Tunney, Gabriel Byrne, Kevin Pollak, C. C. H. Pounder, Udo Kier, Victor Varnado, Miriam Margolyes, Derrick O'Connor, Rod Steiger

    

    Remember the end of the 20^th century, when everyone was afraid of Y2K and there were all sorts off doomsday prophecies that people were claiming and then in the end the worst thing that happened was that it took us all 3 months to get used to writing 20 instead of 19 when dating something? This movie, which swooped in right at the end of 1999, capitalized on that trend.

      

     As the end of 2^nd millennium approaches, Satan (Gabrielle Byrne) arrives on earth seeking a woman (The Craft’s Robin Tunney) who has been prophesized to be his mate. Apparently, having sex with her will trigger the events foretold in Revelations. A cynical ex-cop (Schwarzenegger) stumbles onto this and is determined to protect the girl. Standing in his way (along with the Prince of Darkness) is a legion of devil worshipers (including Udo Kier) and a secret branch of the Catholic Church determined to kill the girl rather than let her fall into Satan’s hands.

            

     Action and horror is a difficult mix to sell. The essence of horror is peril, where as a good action film is about overcoming such peril, often numerous times. Arnold isn’t bad in the film.  He turns in about as a good a performance as the script allows. The problem is that Arnold is, well, so Arnold! He is so charismatic and physically impressive, you never doubt that he will overcome the odds.

            

     Despite the odd combination, the film does have some selling points. Gabriel Byrne makes a humorous devil and Kevin Pollak makes for a funny straight man. There’s also supporting performances by C.C.H. Pounder (Demon Knight) and Rod Steiger. Not a great movie, but an entertaining attempt at blending genres.