They Will Kill You

 

They Will Kill You

2026

Director- Kirill Sokolov

Cast- Zazie Beetz, Myha'la, Patricia Arquette, Heather Graham, Tom Felton, Paterson Joseph, Angus Sampson, James Remar

            If you’ve seen the trailer for this film, its marketed like a Tarantino version of Ready or Not, and it is superficially similar to that film. The core plot involves a woman trapped, trying to escape a group of Satanists determined to kill her. But that is where the similarity ends.

            I won’t be too specific because I don’t want to spoil any of the surprises. To be sure, there is definitely a Tarantino flavor. There is an effective use of songs that give some of the scenes, briefly, that music video quality. The violence is very bloody. There is even a little bit of foot fetish that would make Tarantino proud.

            But They Will Kill You goes beyond any simple formula. It starts off grim with the story of two sisters trying to escape an abusive father. Its not a depressing story, for the most part, but it does occasionally take time to insert realistic trauma among the cartoon violence, maybe as a way of anchoring the story in the real world. The film doesn’t hit you over the head with a political message, but there is definitely an ongoing theme about class and the uneven relationship between the haves and have nots. At the same time, it regularly dips its toe into the fantastic as there is a definite supernatural element that is on full display from very early in the film.

            The violence is very well choreographed and some of the fight scenes clearly took time to orchestrate and film. The violence is coupled with a fair share of gore, some that will make you laugh and some that will make you wince.

            The film also boasts an ensemble cast of genre favorites. Zazie Beets (Joker, Deadpool 2 and the supernatural indie film Slice) is the gutsy protagonist. Tom Felton, known to the world as Draco Malfoy, and Heather Graham (From Hell, Boogie Nights, Suitable Flesh) are Satanists trying to stop her. The best performance though is by Patricia Arquette (Lost Highway, Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Ed Wood, Little Nicky, Stigmata). She plays the soft spoken nemesis of the film. There is even an appearance by James Remar (The Warriors, Blackcoat’s Daughter, It: Welcome to Derry). See if you can spot him!

            They Will Kill You is filled with WTF moments from beginning to end. I won’t spoil anything, suffice to say, whatever you are expecting to happen, it will likely be something else.

The Carpenter's Son

 

The Carpenter’s Son

2025

Director- Lotfy Nathan

Cast- Nicolas Cage, FKA twigs, Noah Jupe, Isla Johnston, Souheila Yacoub

            Biblical horror is a surprisingly tiny genre. Considering that the Bible features infanticide, gang rape, incest, monsters, giants, demons, exorcism, vengeful spirits, cataclysmic disasters, torture, curses, witches and lots and lots of murder, you’d think it would be fruitful ground for horror writers. The Bible is a shocking epic presenting a litany of terrors eclipsing anything Stephen King could write.

            The Carpenter’s Son is inspired by the apocryphal Infancy Gospel of Thomas, which follows the childhood of Jesus. In the Gospel, Jesus is shown with out-of-control powers that he hasn’t learned to manage. The timeframe is interesting because, in the minds of a lot of people, Christ exists as one of two things; baby Jesus being born in a manger or adult Jesus dying on a cross.

The idea that Jesus might have been a snotty kid or a rebellious teenager seems offensive to many. A good example of this is the painting “Christ in the House of His Parents” (1850) by Pre-Raphaelite artist John Everett Millais. The painting, which features an endearing scene of Mary comforting her son, who has seemingly hurt himself in his father’s workshop, was controversial in its day, so much so that no less than Charles Dickens himself derided the art for its depiction of Jesus as an awkward child.

Having said all of this, The Carpenter’s Son will present to many, a controversial, if not outright offensive story. Pope Gelasius I, in the 5^th century, declared the Infancy Gospel a heresy, so it has a long tradition of offending.

Nicolas Cage plays Joseph, who is at his wits end trying to keep Jesus’ divine nature a secret from all the various people that would do him harm. He is also plagued with doubt as to whether Jesus is in fact divine, or maybe sent from the devil, or maybe not special at all and Joseph sometimes thinks he has been played for a fool. Jesus, on the other hand is starting to develop an idea that he is something special as his powers start to express themselves. He and his father frequently come into conflict as Joseph treats him harshly in an attempt to make him fit in.

In a stroke of brilliant casting, Satan is presented as a kind of delinquent teenage girl, the kind you might see getting into trouble with the bad kids at school and apparently bereft of any parental supervision. Satan keeps tempting Jesus, not with sex or drugs, but tempting him to break rules and to stand up to his father.

Though this sounds like teen drama, its presented with a lot of creepy ambience and scary visuals. We see babies being tossed into a fire (as Herod’s men try to find and kill the prophesied messiah), a shanty town of rotting lepers, a kind of torture compound where all of the suspected sorcerers (i.e. the mentally ill) are beaten, crucified and left to rot, snakes being pulled from people’s mouths during exorcisms, and a vision of Hell. Over all, the film carries a sense of menace and dread throughout.

Its impossible to forget that Nicolas Cage is Nicolas Cage, so sometimes seeing him is a little jarring (though not nearly as jarring as Harvey Keitel with his thick Brooklyn accent as Judas in The Last Temptation of Christ). But Cage does a good job of conveying the utter sense of frustration and worry that someone would have who is both trying to raise a child and hide a tremendous secret. Think Jim Hopper trying to raise Eleven in Stranger Things and you’ll have a good idea of the feel.

The real genius casting though was of Ilsa Johnston as Satan. Her character goes from friendly, to precocious, to cruel, to sad and makes the character much more relatable than the typical depictions of Satan as a Faustian supervillain.

            Overall , it’s a pretty small scale film that does a lot with very little and enjoyable if you are looking for some out of the ordinary horror viewing.    

Dark Match

 

Dark Match

2024

Director- Lowell Dean

Cast- Ayisha Issa, Steven Ogg, Chris Jericho, Mo Adan, Jonathan Cherry, Sara Canning, Michael Eklund, Jonathan Lepine,  Justine Lawrick, Leo Farad, Mitch Clark

            Something that every organization or community has is its own lingo; phrases and terms that outsiders don’t usually know. This is true for martial arts dojos, union halls, the military, the boy scouts, and cults. Professional wrestling practically has its own lexicon of hundreds of terms known only to its participants and loyal fans.

The term in question here is “dark match.” It refers to a non-televised match. In the old days it might be used to describe matches before or after a televised show, or occasionally a non-televised match where something unpopular might happen, like a heel (the villain) winning a title.

The term isn’t used much anymore since every organization is always looking for more content for all the various streaming services. Today the much less menacing term “house show” is used to describe non-televised events where fans can see their favorite wrestlers, usually in much smaller venues, competing in matches that don’t affect the planned storylines.

Dark Match follows a tiny independent wrestling promotion in the late 1980s. Very small, it consists of a handful of wrestlers, either past their prime or never having made it to the big time. The protagonist of the film is Miss Behave (Ayisha Issa), a heel character who regularly loses to her blonde babyface opponent, Kate the Great. Miss Behave dreams of the big time but knows she’ll never get it working in the small organization. Her boyfriend, Mean Joe Lean (Steven Ogg), is an aging former champion on the tale end of his career.

The organization gets invited to perform in a dark match for a celebration in a rural town. Even though it seems sketchy, they are offered a sizable enough chunk of change to lure them all in. After arriving, they find themselves the prisoners of a satanic cult led by The Prophet, a former wrestler who had a religious gimmick and was eventually black balled from wrestling (played by real life pro wrestling champion Chris Jericho). The cult is planning an elaborate ritual that requires five sacrifices and the wrestlers are forced to fight each other to the death.

It’s a fun concept and well executed. There isn’t a lot of wasted time and we get to know the principal characters pretty quick. The film doesn’t look cheap, but it does have a dull gritty appearance that will remind you of watching an old VHS. If I had any complaint its that only a few of the wrestlers’ characters are developed. I think of the classic fighting match movies like Enter the Dragon or Bloodsport and those movies did a pretty good job of giving a lot of the fighters distinct looks and personalities. Dark Match could have benefited from more of that.

If you are old enough to remember wrestling before the WWE was luring in global audiences, you’ll remember the old regional promotions with wrestlers mainly known only to people in a 3 or 4 state area. You might see the recorded matches televised on a local channel on a Saturday afternoon and were just as likely to see the wrestlers picking up a 6 pack at a local gas station as they passed through. Dark Match conjures up just enough of that feel to cause some inner synapse zaps for people that can remember those days.

Check it out it if you’re a fan of wrestling and horror or if you are just looking for something different.

           

Longlegs

 

Longlegs

2024

Director- Oz Perkins

Cast- Maika Monroe, Blair Underwood, Alicia Witt, Kiernan Shipka, Michelle Choi-Lee, Nicolas Cage

            A series of brutal murders have taken place where entire families have been killed. The killer has left behind no physical evidence save only a coded message signed “Longlegs.” Enter onto the scene Special Agent Lee Harker (Maika Monroe}, a FBI agent with precognitive psychic abilities.

            Her boss (played by Blair Underwood) is looking for a serial killer but Harker believes. that there may be some larger conspiracy at work. As Agent Harker delves into the case, she has visions and flashbacks that indicate that she may have a personal connection to the killer. She eventually encounters a satanic dollmaker (Nicolas Cage). As she pushes on with the case, the truth, and the full horror, is finally revealed to her.

            In the publicity for the movie, Longlegs has been repeatedly compared to Silence of the Lambs, but other than the protagonist is a female FBI agent, the films have little in common. Lambs is a very down to earth police procedural. It’s the realism and believability that gives Lambs its power as a horror movie.

            Longlegs, on the other hand, has obvious supernatural elements, that are present from the beginning of the film. Its more in the vein of The First Power, Fallen or Exorcist 3 (though its not nearly as effective as Exorcist 3, few films are).

            If you are familiar with Oz Perkin’s other films, you know he’s good at creating a creepy, oppressive atmosphere. He also tends to go with ambitious ideas that aren’t necessarily easy to flesh out in a typical Hollywood movie run time. Perkin’s Gretel and Hansel, for instance, was far more ambitious with its subject matter than what it was able to achieve. In Longlegs, Harker’s psychic ability, for instance, isn’t that thoroughly explored.

          

      But Perkins is able to get really good performances out of actors, and that’s the best selling point of the film. Maika Monroe is very convincing as the tentative, often anxious FBI agent whose world starts unraveling just as she unravels more of the Longlegs mystery. Kudos to whoever thought of casting Blair Underwood. I guess to me he’s still the character from LA Law, but a quick review of his filmography shows that he’s had plenty of experience playing this type of character. Alicia Witt (who played Alia in David Lynch’s Dune) is convincing as Harker’s unhinged mother. Nicolas Cage is, well, Nicolas Cage.

            The most surprising performance though was Kiernan Shipka as Longleg’s one surviving victim, now driven insane and living in an asylum. As I watched the film, I kept thinking, wow she looks familiar, but it wasn’t until after the fact that I realized it was her. Oz Perkins must really know how to get the best (or maybe worst, as it were) out of Shipka. She made her horror debut with Perkins at the age of 15 in The Blackcoat’s Daughter, and she was pretty scary in that.

            An argument could be made that both Longlegs and Blackcoat’s Daughter take place in the same universe. They both revolve around satanic themes. Both have similar, albeit brief, depictions of the devil. In both films, the devil’s real power is in his ability to drive people to do terrible things.

            If you are looking for an occult thriller, Longlegs is worth a trip to theater. If you don’t get the chance to see it now, it will certainly be worth streaming this spooky season.

The Pope's Exorcist

 

The Pope’s Exorcist

2023

Director- Julius Avery

Cast- Russell Crowe, Alex Essoe, Laurel Marsden, Peter DeSouza-Feighoney. Daniel Zovatto, Ralph Michael Ineson, Franco Nero

            This film serves as a dramatization (with a quite a few liberties I imagine) of the real life exploits of Father Gabriele Amorth, a Catholic Priest and exorcist who, over the course of his life performed some 160,000 exorcisms (when did he have time to eat and sleep?).

            This story follows Julia (Alex Essoe) and her two broody children after they have just relocated to Europe. Apparently, her husband has died and her only possession is a ruined abbey that had been in her husband’s family for centuries. Construction crews, knocking about, free a trapped demon that promptly possesses Julia’s son and terrorizes the family. The local priest calls Rome for help and Russel Crowe is dispatched to do battle with the demon.

            The Father soon figures out that possession is just a small part of the demon’s plan. A long-buried conspiracy comes to light as he peels away the layers of the demon’s machinations.

            If you are expecting a full-on horror show like The Exorcist or a taut thriller like Exorcist 3, you better pump the brakes now. The Pope’s Exorcist is a horror movie but played more for entertainment. It reminded me of a bigger budget version of Paul Naschy’s Exorcism than a typical possession film.

            Horror fans will find a lot to like. The film isn’t particularly scary but has lots of nice, creepy and satanic imagery. There are some good practical make-up effects and only in a few places does the film indulge in obvious CGI.

There is also a good horror cast. Daniel Zovatto (Crowe’s fellow priest in the film) has done a few horror films including It Follows. If Alex Essoe looks familiar its because she’s developed quite a horror resume even though she isn’t really thought of as a scream queen just yet. She’s starred in Tales of Halloween, Midnight Mass, The Haunting of Bly Manor and played Wendy Torrence in Dr. Sleep. And if the voice of the demon sounds familiar, that’s because it's Ralph Ineson known to many from his roles in Game of Thrones and The Witch.

            The most unusual casting though has to be Franco Nero as The Pope. Yep, you read that right. The original Django and the titular character in Cannon’s inaugural ninja film, Enter the Ninja, plays the most virile looking Pope you’ve ever seen.

            Franco’s unusual casting aside, The Pope’s Exorcist isn’t going to live forever in the annals of satanic cinema. However, if you are looking for a fun scary diversion for 90 minutes, there are worst ways to spend your time. 

Haxan- A 100 Year Retrospective

 

Haxan (Witchcraft Through the Ages)

1922

From Sweden /Denmark

Director- Benjamin Christensen

Cast- Benjamin Christensen, Clara Pontoppidan, Oscar Stribolt, Astrid Holm, Maren Pedersen

            Haxan is a sort-of documentary. It takes a scholarly look at the view of witchcraft in the middle ages but mixes in haunting and unsettling imagery that is comparable to the best horror movies.

            Those silent films that have stood the test of time have done so not because of the writing or acting but because of the imagery. This movie is a hundred years old but the effects hold up because, unlike CGI that doesn’t age very well, they rely on make-up and photography. The devil (played by the director himself) is especially scary with his perpetually flicking tongue and gleeful expression,

            The first fifteen minutes or so is rather boring, being filled mainly with images of medieval engravings but stick with it because the movie takes off after that.

            The movie was censored or banned in several countries, including the United States.  It takes a dim view of humanity. Those that fear the devil seem to do so out of backwardness and stupidity but those that serve the devil do so out of lust and greed.  The church is naturally lumped in with this.  Clergy are presented as just as stupid and lustful as their flock, perhaps even more so.

            But again, it is the images not the plot, that leave a lasting impression; Satan tempting a young woman as she lies next to her husband, a witches Sabbath where they sacrifice and eat a baby, a skeletal horse, witches flying through the air, grotesque demons prancing about in an orgy, women lining up to literally kiss the devil’s ass, a young monk orgasmicly enjoying a flagellation and Satan tempting a nun to defile a Eucharist wafer.

            The end of the film slows down as it tries to explain the demonic possessions of the middle ages as modern day mental illness, but it’s difficult to reconcile that with the utter realism with which the film depicts its diabolical subjects.

            The film was re-presented in 1968 with a narration by William Burroughs. The narration adds to the film but the jazz musical score, though adding to the mood in places tends to distract at other times. This version is shorter than the original but I think that’s a product of the narration being quicker than reading as it retains all the imagery of the original.

100 Years Later

            Haxan premiered  in September 1922. Now a century out, the question is, is it still relevant? I would say that it’s at least as relevant as it was a hundred years ago, perhaps more so.

            A hundred years ago the world was about 2 years removed from a global pandemic that killed tens of millions of people. Russia was engaged in a civil war brought on by the Bolshevik Revolution. The world was about 7 years away from the Great Depression. In response to this chaos, fascism spread through the world as people begged for someone to take charge of their lives. Any of this sounding familiar?

            Beyond the current events, we seem to be entering into a kind of New Dark Age. The rejection of science and critical thinking, in favor of emotion and wishful thinking, is a trend that started growing in the United States about 20 years ago and is now spreading to the rest of the world.  Believing what can be supported has been rejected for believing what makes us feel good. This same devaluing of knowledge is what led to the Dark Ages that took Europe a thousand years to climb out of.

            One thing that has changed in the last hundred years is the general perception of witchcraft. When most people see witchcraft now it’s in tandem with Wiccans worshiping nature or someone peddling their grandmother’s home remedy for sore throats. Most people aren’t living in fear of Satanic conspiracies spreading through their neighborhood, though if you remember the 1980s, that was an irrational belief that was perpetuated without a shard of evidence.

On the other hand, maybe society has outgrown witches. Maybe black cats and pointed hats have become quaint. Conspiracy theories have replaced church doctrine and members of the opposing political party have become the unseen threat seeping into our daily lives.

            Of course, that’s all pretty heavy, maybe too heavy for the first time viewing of a silent film. Does Haxan entertain? Haxan won’t scare a modern audience. But it will definitely show you images that you will never forget and give the viewer an appreciation for the art of fine film making before the modern era of special effects. Students of films or aspiring filmmakers will certainly appreciate the careful crafting of effective, realistic, creepy imagery.

Want more? Read about the role of The Devil in film.

Still want more? Check out the review of Faust, a German film made around the same time as Haxan.

Inquisition

 Inquisition

1976

Director- Paul Naschy

Cast- Paul Naschy, Daniela Giordano, Mónica Randall, Ricardo Merino, Tony Isbert, Julia Saly, Antonio Iranzo, Juan Luis Galiardo,

From Spain

            Paul Naschy plays Bernard de Fossey, an inquisition judge traveling through a plague ravaged land to find and execute witches. Like most movies of this type, the inquisitor is far worse than whatever supernatural terrors they are trying to root out. The first half of this movie follows the same formula as most of these other films; the inquisition arrives in town, beautiful girls are erroneously accused of being witches, they are tortured and finally executed. Compared to Mark of the Devil, the torture scenes in this film are quite tame. However, what it lacks in gore it makes up for with gratuitous nudity.

            The second half of the film, though, takes a different direction and helps it to stand out against some of the earlier films that it imitates. Bernard (Naschy) becomes infatuated with Catherine (Daniela Giordano), the beautiful daughter of a dying village nobleman. He convinces the nobleman to give him guardianship of Catherine and her sister, Elvire (Julia Saly). Naschy fans will recognize Julia as the Bathoryeaque vampire from Night of the Werewolf and also costarring with Naschy in The Beast and the Magic Sword. You might also recognize her from the excellent Night of the Seagulls.

           One impediment to Bernard’s romantic progress (besides his inconvenient holy vows) is the fact that Catherine has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend gets himself murdered and Catherine is convinced that Bernard is behind it.

It is at this point that the film starts to venture into new territory. Most inquisition films have witch hunters but no actual witches. However, Catherine, who is definitely not a witch at the start of the film, seeks out a witch and the Devil as her only recourse. She visits a local witch and the portrayal of the “witchcraft” is actually probably pretty accurate. The spells consist of potions and ointments that send Catherine into a trance where she attends a Black Mass attended by Satan himself (also played by Naschy). Of course, whether any of this actually happens or is just a product of drug induced hallucinations is for the viewer to determine.

            Emboldened by her recently bestowed Satanic power, Catherine sets out to seduce and destroy Bernard and frame him in the eyes of the inquisition as a Satanist himself. This is one of Naschy’s best villains and you can’t wait to see him get his just deserts! Naschy’s portrayal of a fallen clergyman is convincing and subtle (for this type of film). He goes from imperious to love stricken to finally pathetic and broken.

            This is a fun film for fans of Paul Naschy or inquisition movies. Though formulaic at times, it veers off the path enough to keep it interesting and entertaining. The idea of the inquisition actually driving people to witchcraft is pretty clever. The film is not as sophisticated as Ken Russell’s The Devils and lacks the charm that Vincent Price brought to Witchfinder General. But it is literate enough to rise above the typical exploitation movie. One of Nachy’s better non-werewolf films.