Inquisition

 Inquisition

1976

Director- Paul Naschy

Cast- Paul Naschy, Daniela Giordano, Mónica Randall, Ricardo Merino, Tony Isbert, Julia Saly, Antonio Iranzo, Juan Luis Galiardo,

From Spain

            Paul Naschy plays Bernard de Fossey, an inquisition judge traveling through a plague ravaged land to find and execute witches. Like most movies of this type, the inquisitor is far worse than whatever supernatural terrors they are trying to root out. The first half of this movie follows the same formula as most of these other films; the inquisition arrives in town, beautiful girls are erroneously accused of being witches, they are tortured and finally executed. Compared to Mark of the Devil, the torture scenes in this film are quite tame. However, what it lacks in gore it makes up for with gratuitous nudity.

            The second half of the film, though, takes a different direction and helps it to stand out against some of the earlier films that it imitates. Bernard (Naschy) becomes infatuated with Catherine (Daniela Giordano), the beautiful daughter of a dying village nobleman. He convinces the nobleman to give him guardianship of Catherine and her sister, Elvire (Julia Saly). Naschy fans will recognize Julia as the Bathoryeaque vampire from Night of the Werewolf and also costarring with Naschy in The Beast and the Magic Sword. You might also recognize her from the excellent Night of the Seagulls.

           One impediment to Bernard’s romantic progress (besides his inconvenient holy vows) is the fact that Catherine has a boyfriend. Her boyfriend gets himself murdered and Catherine is convinced that Bernard is behind it.

It is at this point that the film starts to venture into new territory. Most inquisition films have witch hunters but no actual witches. However, Catherine, who is definitely not a witch at the start of the film, seeks out a witch and the Devil as her only recourse. She visits a local witch and the portrayal of the “witchcraft” is actually probably pretty accurate. The spells consist of potions and ointments that send Catherine into a trance where she attends a Black Mass attended by Satan himself (also played by Naschy). Of course, whether any of this actually happens or is just a product of drug induced hallucinations is for the viewer to determine.

            Emboldened by her recently bestowed Satanic power, Catherine sets out to seduce and destroy Bernard and frame him in the eyes of the inquisition as a Satanist himself. This is one of Naschy’s best villains and you can’t wait to see him get his just deserts! Naschy’s portrayal of a fallen clergyman is convincing and subtle (for this type of film). He goes from imperious to love stricken to finally pathetic and broken.

            This is a fun film for fans of Paul Naschy or inquisition movies. Though formulaic at times, it veers off the path enough to keep it interesting and entertaining. The idea of the inquisition actually driving people to witchcraft is pretty clever. The film is not as sophisticated as Ken Russell’s The Devils and lacks the charm that Vincent Price brought to Witchfinder General. But it is literate enough to rise above the typical exploitation movie. One of Nachy’s better non-werewolf films.

Hellbender

 

Hellbender

2021

Director- John Adams, Zelda Adams, Toby Poser

Cast- Zelda Adams, Toby Poser, Lulu Adams, John Adams, Rinzin Thonden, Khenzom, Shawn Wilson, Judy Rosen, Rob Figueroa

            Izzy is a teenage girl, home schooled by her single mother in a remote house in the wilderness. She is forbidden from having friends or going into town because she has a rare immune deficiency (or so she has been told).

            During a chance encounter with another girl, Izzy decides to make a friend which leads to the inevitable invitation to a party. A drinking game that ends with Izzy eating a live worm results in a brief psychotic break where she realizes that her mother has been lying to her about her illness and a whole lot more.

            Izzy’s mother is the latest in a long line of women called Hellbenders, zoophagous witches that power their spells through the consumption of the life force of living creatures, obtained by eating those creatures alive (which begs the question, are they witches or vampires). Izzy wonders, if the eating of a mere worm could grant her powerful insight into her mother, what power might be gained from eating something larger?

            After an awesome opening, the film moves pretty slowly through the first half but stick with it and you’ll be rewarded. It has a very tiny cast so there is plenty of opportunity to get to know the characters. There is infrequent but well done gore. Probably the highest compliment that I can pay the film is that it did not go in the direction that I was expecting and I was pleasantly surprised.

            The movie looks good with some artistically framed shots. The film’s two principal actors turn in convincing performances. Most importantly, its occult mythos seemed intelligent and informed. It sticks its toe into a little bit of Folk Horror, if you’re a fan of that genre.

Forget the name which sounds like either a bad Image Comics character from the early 90s or a speed metal band, Hellbender is a pretty clever, independent horror film. Recommended for fans of withes and witchcraft.

Evil Toons

 

 

Evil Toons

1992

Director- Fred Olen Ray

Cast- Madison Stone, Barbara Dare (Stacy Nix), Monique Gabrielle, Suzanne Ager, Dick Miller, Artie Johnson, Michelle Bauer, David Carradine, Don Dowe

            Four hot young girls are spending the weekend in an abandoned house to get it cleaned for the new owner in exchange for $100 (money went a lot further 30 years ago). Terry (Suzanne Ager) is the responsible leader. Jan (80s and 90s porn star Barbara Dare, here under the stage name Stacy Nix) is cool and laid back. Megan (statuesque scream queen Monique Gabrielle) is the naïve innocent. Roxanne (90s porn superstar Madison Stone) is the wild, horny member of the quartet. Checking on the girl’s is a goofy neighbor (Artie Johnson) and the long suffering Dick Miller (Demon Knight, The Howling, The Burbs, Gremlins and about a hundred other things)

A strange man (David Carradine) drops off a package which the girls open immediately to find an ancient grimoire. Its illustrated with cartoons of monsters having their way with beautiful ladies.  That night, one of the cartoons comes to life, in the form of a giant 2D cartoon monster that possesses Roxanne. She then goes about killing everyone and attempting to drag their souls to hell via a “soul shroud.” Naturally, nerdy Meg is the one that must stop her. In the midst of all of this are various contrived situations where the girls take off their clothes.

OK, so the plot is a little thin. But that’s not why you’d watch this movie. The first, second, and third reason you’d watch this film is for the cast. This is a good chance to see several 80s and 90s sexbombs all gathered in one place.

Suzanne Ager had a comparatively short but packed career, squeezing a lot of movies into a few years, including several others with Fred Olen Ray. However, her entire filmography is B movies and most of them are not easy to track down anymore.

Monique Gabrielle appeared in a long list of 80s movies of a surprising variety. She appeared in mainstream popular movies like Night Shift and Bachelor Party and forgotten B movies like Angel Eyes. She ranged from starring roles like in Deathstalker 2 to cameos like in Not of This Earth. Her catalogue ranges from rated PG to X. However, many of these movies have not made the transition from video to DVD or Blu Ray and are hard to find.

Barbara Dare had a prolific career in 80s porn. Her lithe, sultry presentation made her a favorite of the video store era. She also had a few mainstream appearances but porn is what she will always be remembered for. However, only a small part of her filmography has been preserved on modern media. That has nothing to do with Barbara and is just the nature of the porn business. Unlike Disney, which preserves films in their “vault”, porn has always been an in the moment business looking for the next thrill.  Much of the 80s and 90s porn that has made it to the internet are poor low resolution digital transfers of 3^rd generation video copies with fuzzy images and heavy pixelazation.

            Madison is likewise best known for her career in porn. Madison had an appearance, and a presentation, that was unique for her era. Her jet black hair (which was cut in Bettie Page bangs by the time she retired) , obvious tan lines, rock star fashion and piercings (she has a piercing named after her) set the stage for the alt. girls that would follow in her footsteps a decade later.  She cultivated a playful, sometimes goofy, image that was well suited for parts needing tongue in cheek or physical comedy. She puts that to good use in this film.

Madison has a bit more of her career preserved than Barbara, mainly because of her work with the “Evil Empire” (Evil Angel, Elegant Angel and Bruce Seven) which has kept a few of her movies in print. Still, many of her movies have ended up as pixelated, barely watchable, clips on the internet.

            Both Madison and Barbara worked in the era before most of porn had gone “gonzo” meaning the movies still had plots, so they were used to engaging in dialogue and playing a part. Sure, their acting wasn’t going to win an Oscar, but they were at least as good as the majority of actors in B horror movies.

 

 

 Evil Toons is self-referential (one might say self-deprecating), poking obvious fun at the horror genre in general. Fred Olen Ray was good at doing this without beating the joke to death. Dick Miller was always perfect for films that didn’t take themselves too seriously. He somehow convinces you that he is so tired and worn out, that he’s not even interested in the beautiful girls all around him. David Carradine starring in this film is a bit of a mystery, it being so far outside his normal repertoire of martial arts/ action flicks.

            But what about the big cartoon monster? After all, that is pretty much the one thing that separates this film from practically every other film in the genre. Today, 2D animation has suffered an ignominious death at the hands of Pixar but there was a time when it was the only game in town and periodically movies would combine animation with live action to varying degrees of success.

            Anyone over 45 will probably remember Pete’s Dragon. That film (which was one of the standbys that my elementary school teachers had for slow days) put a cartoon dragoon in a live action world. The gold standard for this art form was Who Framed Roger Rabbit, which came out in 1988. Animation impresario Ralph Bakshi would combine animation and live action to create the memorable, sexy film Cool World. Well, Evil Toons doesn’t get anywhere near those films. In the common Hollywood game of “want, settle, get” you want Roger Rabbit, you’ll settle for Cool World, but you get Evil Toons.

 

I would have almost thought that the cartoon monster was not the original intention, like it was a last minute fix for a special effects creature that didn’t work out, if not for the cartoons in the grimoire that seem to indicate that this was the plan for the movie all along. No matter, as I said earlier, the reason you watch this film is for the female cast. Everything else is just garnish on the plate.

            So if you’re expecting big budget, or even low budget, special effects or a well thought out story, then you should probably skip Evil Toons. However, if you are wanting a highly concentrated dose of hotness from a bygone era, then this is just the movie you’ve been looking for.

Nightmare Alley

 

Nightmare Alley

2021

Director- Guillermo del Toro

Cast-  Bradley Cooper, Cate Blanchett, Rooney Mara, Toni Collette, Willem Dafoe, Ron Perlman, David Strathairn, Mary Steenburgen, Richard Jenkins, Mark Povinelli, Holt McCallany, Peter MacNeill

            Stanton Carlisle (Bradley Cooper) is on the run from the law. He seeks shelter by taking up with a traveling carnival headed by an amoral boss (Willem Dafoe). There Stanton meets a cadre of colorful characters; Major Mosquito, a wrestling little person; Bruno (Hellboy’s Ron Perlman) an old school aging strongman; Zeena (Toni Collette) and her partner Pete (David Strathaim) who run a mentalist show; and the sweet and lovely Molly (Rooney Mara) who has an act where she lets electric currents run through her body.

            Stanton buddies up to Pete and Zeena and learns all the tricks of the trade when it comes to convincing people that you’re psychic.  Pete warns Stanton however, to never run a “spookshow”, that is, convincing people that you can speak to ghosts, because it gives them false hope. Upon mastering the techniques, Stanton convinces Molly to leave the carnival with him and open an act for themselves.

            Stanton and Molly are raking in the dough until one night they are challenged by a beautiful blonde (Cate Blanchett) who questions the veracity of their act. Stanton decides to up his game by running the “spookshow”, against Molly’s objections, and convincing a rich judge in the audience that he can speak to the judge’s deceased son.

 

            Statnon is intrigued by the beautiful blonde who turns out to be a psychologist, Lilith Ritter. Statnon and Lillith concoct a scam of their own where Stanton can make an untold fortune. In return Stanton must agree to submit himself to psychoanalysis by Lilith. Stanton goes down the rabbit hole of convincing people that he can speak to the dead until the whole thing comes to a head with some dire consequences.

            The film is not really a horror movie, but its also not not-horror. Rather, its walks the lines between horror, noir, dark fantasy, and psychological thriller. Cate Blanchett is very much a femme fatale and her character would fit easily into any pulp thriller. It also uses elements common in horror movies like tarot cards, freakshows, and dreams. Guilt and sin are reoccurring themes throughout. The film isn’t scary but it will keep you engaged despite its rather lengthy 2 and ½ hour run time.

            It’s a Guillermo del Toro film, so you know it will be nice to look at . Set in the early 1940s it has an authentic look. Each character has their own motif as far as costume. Some of the sets look very expensive and I can’t help but wonder how much was built vs CGI, though it all looks real. Though the themes are completely different than Angel Heart, the two films would make a nice pairing as noir thrillers from a bygone era.

Fun fact- Nightmare Alley is neither an original film nor a remake. Rather, it is the second cinematic adaptation of William Lindsay Gresham’s 1946 novel of the same name. In addition to 2 movies, the novel has also been adapted into a graphic novel and a musical.

   

Studio 666

  

 

Studio 666

2022

Director- B. J. McDonnell

Cast- Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins, Nate Mendel, Pat Smear, Chris Shiflett, Rami Jaffee, Whitney Cummings, Will Forte, Jeff Garlin, Leslie Grossman, Kerry King, Lionel Richie, John Carpenter, Jenna Ortega

            The rock band Foo Fighters are trying to produce their 10^th album but lead singer Dave Grohl is suffering from a severe creative block and can’t think of new material. In an effort to inspire their creativity, their manager sets them up to record in a now empty Encino  home that was once the site where several successful bands recorded. Unfortunately it was also the site of several murders when the leader singer of the band Dream Window brutally massacred his bandmates.

 

            The band is not thrilled with the arrangements but Dave runs roughshod over the group, talking them into living in the house for a month while they record. Dave can sense there is something special in the house and hopes it will unblock his creative constipation. 

            While exploring, he finds an old reel to reel tape from the band Dream Window. Upon playing it, demonic forces are unleashed that possess Dave. He is compelled to write a song, a song that when finished will unleash terrible Satanic powers.

            The best word that I can use to describe this movie is “odd.” Horror-comedy is a difficult tightrope to walk anyway without adding the element of the Foo Fighters playing fictionalized versions of themselves. à la Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park. The movie is more of a parody than an actual horror movie, poking fun at many horror tropes, like pointlessly staying in an obviously deadly environment.  Don’t expect this to be a musical like Rocky Horror or Phantom of the Paradise. The music is a plot device not the star of the show. Having said that, Foo Fighters did record a song as the fake band Dream Window for the movie and it genuinely sounds like thrash metal. 

            There were many places in the movie that seemed like inside jokes, some that I got and some that I didn’t. Broadly there are horror jokes and music jokes (like Dave discovering a new note, “L sharp”) but there were other jokes that were over my head that probably required a more in depth knowledge of Foo Fighters or rock  music.

            The band members are the stars of the film and the acting performances are about what you would expect but they have some help. Will Forte and Whitney Cummings help support the comedic efforts. Horror fans may recognize Leslie Grossman from numerous episodes of American Horror Story. There is also a cameo by Jenna Ortega (The Babysitter Killer Queen and the new Scream relaunch) who is on her way to becoming a Scream Queen in her own right. Of course, horror fans will recognize John Carpenter, who is no stranger to music, as the studio engineer mixing the band’s recordings.

            The selling point for the film, at least for horror fans, in the creative old school gore. There are lots of really disgusting, bloody deaths in the movie, several that will cause you to laugh out loud. Also, I can say that I really didn’t know which direction the movie was going to go next which is a rarity in today’s movies.

            Fans of horror-comedy, or just odd movies, will want to check it out. Fans of Foo Fighters, or just old timer Generation Xers, will probably want to check it out too. I can remember owning Nevermind on cassette in 1991 and it was somehow comforting to see that Grohl was looking as old as me.