1987
Director- Jackie Kong
Cast- Rick Burks, Carl Crew, LaNette LaFrance, LaNette
LaFrance, Lisa Guggenheim, Max Morris, Drew Godderis, Tanya Papanicolas, Michael
Barton
As
children Michael and George (Rick Burks and Carl Crew) watched their uncle
Anwar get gunned down by the police after he chopped up a bunch of co-eds.
Before he died, he exhorted them to follow the goddess Sheetar, an ancient
goddess with sorceress powers.
Fast
forward 20 years and the brothers are all grown up and running a health food restaurant.
They have, in fact, been studying Sheetar and have a plan to bring her to life
in an avatar. They dig up their uncle’s corpse, remove his brain and he guides
them as they set out to build her a body. They must construct the vessel from
the dismembered bodies of wanton, immoral ladies. They begin by shooting up a
studio where a bunch of girls are filming a topless aerobics video (hey it was
the 80s). They ransack the fresh bodies for parts. Meanwhile, they are serving
up the leftovers they don’t use to the customers in their restaurant. They make
a veggie burger that tastes just like meat and there is a good reason why.
Once they
have the vessel for Sheetar ready, they must prepare for a “Lumerian Feast” the
ritual that will bring their goddess to life. This involves capturing a virgin
for Sheetar to eat once she arrives (obviously) and a “Blood Buffet” where the
attendees are all turned into flesh eating zombies.
The
movie is utterly crazy. Its silliness level is about on par with Troma. It has
strange characters like a rival restaurant owner that has an ugly dummy as his
only customer, a police chief that gut punches his detectives, a wrestler named
Little Jimmy Hitler and more. If you’re not sure whether to take the movie
seriously, it begins with the disclaimer that
“All of the mutilations, bodily dismemberments and cannibal rituals were
performed by seasoned professionals.” So
while the movie doesn’t take itself seriously, neither was it made lazily.
There is an obvious effort to make something different and entertaining. It has
an excellent soundtrack of mostly classic doowop but also with some punk and new
wave.
It was
originally intended as a sequel the 1963 movie, Bloodfeast. There are a lot of
similarities, but somewhere in the production stage, they decided to let it be its
own film. When it comes to cannibal movies, Blood Diner isn’t scary like Texas
Chainsaw Massacre or clever like Motel Hell, but it’s original and isn’t afraid
to be weird, which goes along way with me.
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