Elves

 

Elves

1989

Director-  Jeffrey Mandel

Cast- Julie Austin, Dan Haggerty, Deanna Lund, Borah Silver, Laura Lichstein, Stacey Dye

            The film begins with Kirsten (Julie Austin) and her girlfriends out in the woods on a cold winter night. They fancy themselves as a kind of witch’s circle and Kirsten is trying to enact an occult ritual using one of her grandfather’s old occult tomes. The ritual doesn’t work but unbeknownst to the girls they have inadvertently summoned a bloodthirsty elf.

            Kirsten’s home life is pretty miserable. Her grandfather is a mix of abusive and absent minded. Her little brother is a perv and her mother (played by Deanna Lund from Land of the Giants) is a real bitch.

            Meanwhile, Mike (played by Dan Haggerty who most people over 45 will remember as Grizzly Adams) is a former cop now down on his luck thanks to his alcoholism. He’s managed to string together a few months of sobriety and gets a job (and is living) in a local department store.

            The elf stalks Kirsten and (unknown to her) attacks anyone who does her wrong, including stabbing a mall Santa in the dick after he gets fresh with Kirsten. But this elf is no guardian angel. He has his own plans for Kirsten.

            As it turns out, Kirsten’s grandfather is a Nazi who, during WW2, worked on a project involving the murderous elf. The elf was either created or summoned (the movie is not quite clear) to be the vessel for some perfect Aryan genes. The plan was for the elf to mate with a perfect Aryan woman during an occult ritual on Christmas Eve, thus ushering in the Fourth Reich. Kirsten’s grandfather, it seems, has engaged in some perverted eugenics creating his granddaughter to be the receptacle of the elf’s seed.

            Grizzly Adams discovers the plot and does his best to protect Kirsten not only from the elf but from a group of modern day Nazis that are after her.

            One’s reach exceeding one’s grasp is characteristic of low budget and independent cinema. That’s part of what makes it enjoyable; filmmakers who don’t know that they can’t or shouldn’t try to do certain things. Elves is far too ambitious for its meager budget. The elf actually is pretty well sculpted but has limited movement. I’d say, in terms of quality,  it’s  somewhere between the imp  of Sorority Babes in the SlimeballBowl-O-Rama and Ghoulies. I’m usually not a fan of remakes, but Elves could use one. The idea is very original and I’d love to see someone with access to resources help the story realize its potential.

            If you’re interested, Elf shouldn’t be hard to track down. The bad news is, as far as I know, it hasn’t made its way to DVD or Blu-Ray. The good news is that you can probably find it on Youtube (albeit a grainy straight from VHS transfer). Maybe someone like Vinegar Syndrome will take an interest and pick it up (and maybe put out an easier to watch version).

            Don’t watch if you’re wanting polished or even scary. On the other hand, if you life WTF stories, this will be entertaining.